How to find your eco-soulmate

Before you can start planning your fabulous green dream wedding, you’ll have to meet your one and only. Seems easy enough…

Just kidding.

Dating can be fun, but overall, I’m not a fan. In fact one of my favorite relationship pins says it best:

If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing. Timing. But timing’s a bi1Tch.

Timing is a bitch and it makes dating or finding someone to love difficult. While I am happily partnered up with an amazing human currently, it took a long time to get there. I remember what it’s like being in the various stages of dating –> the meet-and-greet stage, the should I text stage, the what the hell is up stage, the I’m not sure stage, and the oh my god this date is a total disaster stage. You know, among other stages.

If you’re looking for a partner with specific qualities, such as eco-friendly goals that match up with yours, dating becomes even harder! This is the main reason I DO NOT suggest looking for a special someone based on their ability to buy organic or recycle. Why make life harder than it is? Plus, you can almost always green someone up after you meet them.

Still, if you really must go there, there are some places you might be able to find eco-love online. A better option is to look for an eco-partner out and about your town. For example at the co-op, farmers’ market or organic bar.

In general, I think meeting potential partners through luck, friends or at places you frequent is the best call.

What about after you meet someone?

If by luck, chance or fate you do meet someone you like and possibly could one day adore, what next? Well, as noted, dating is hard. But a lot of people, including myself, seem to have the ability to make dating even harder by acting in ways you shouldn’t. I used to be way worse at dating. Luckily as you age you get usually get smarter and can fine tune your attitude, behavior and dating style. That said, before we take off, let’s go over some dos and don’ts…

Do be nice: Nice is underrated for sure. Being kind, nice, polite – whatever you’d like to call it, can go a long way. Thank you, you’re welcome, please, and other phrases should always be part of your relationship with people no matter if you just met or have been dating for years.

Don’t make fun of other couples: My now partner told me that once he went on a date with someone and that she made fun of another couple (based on how the guy was shorter than the gal) at his regular bar. No one wants to be with someone who will easily make fun of other people they don’t know.

Do cut the drama: If you’re drama, drama, drama all the time, it’s not only boring but annoying. We all have our moments but 90% of the time you should be chill. Everything will either work out or not. You can’t control this dating and love stuff, so just be calm and see what happens.

Don’t play games: The whole game style of dating is obnoxious, but my best guess is that we’ve all done gaming stuff to someone – i.e. not texting back (even if you want to), canceling a date for no reason, playing hard to get, trying to make someone jealous, ghosting someone. For crying out loud. If you don’t like someone tell them. If you do like someone tell them.

Unless you’re dealing with a crazy or violent person, don’t engage in weird fake game behavior. Being honest is HARD but worth it and in my experience you get better at it over time (with practice). I’ve also found that this cuts out most potential drama in relationships. Be you, be true, and seriously stuff will eventually work out.

Do follow your own bliss: If you meet someone who tries to change you, makes you unhappy, causes you worry or you see yourself doing stuff you don’t want to do simply because your date wants you to, get out and get out quick. Yes everyone we meet changes us in one way or another, but you matter and you shouldn’t change yourself significantly just so someone will like you.

Don’t gossip: We all like to run stuff by our friends, but the absolute best (and seemingly happy) couples I’ve met in life, almost always keep their personal life personal, meaning they work issues out on their own, between the two of them vs. kicking off a public forum to solve problems.

Sometimes it helps to talk issues through with a friend, but 98% of the time, if I have a problem with my partner, I keep it to myself and see if it passes or not, journal about it to get my thoughts out, or talk to him about it. In the past I’ve told my friends about my partners, looking for advice or to vent but over time I’ve realized that couples who keep their issues between themselves fare way better.

Do break all the rules: There are rules galore when it comes to dating it seems (just look at this post). but seriously I know you’ve heard the following:

  • Don’t sleep with someone on a first date.
  • Don’t date your friends.
  • Never say “I love you” first.
  • If you’re not engaged in two years you probably never will be – OR don’t marry someone too soon.
  • The guy should always pay.
  • Don’t travel far away with someone too soon.
  • Never date someone older, younger, your own age… what have you.
  • Don’t text someone after a first date until they text you or it’s been three days.
  • Scorpios should never date a Sagittarius (or some other sign-issue).

No two people are perfectly alike, so no one rule will apply to everyone. Live life on your own terms. Following a bunch of rules can be exhausting so don’t go there. If it makes you happy keep on keeping on. If you don’t like something, don’t do it.