If Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn’s ‘The Break-up’ taught us anything, it’s that breaking up with someone you live with isn’t easy. Breaking up with someone is difficult at the best of times. However, trying to break up with someone you share a living space with, can seem like a pretty impossible task.
They’ve become a part of your fixed routine – they are the first thing you see in the morning, and the last thing you see at night. How are you meant to adjust to a new way of living, without them?
Before we get into the intricate details of how to break up with someone you live with, let’s take it back to the basics. It’s a good chance to remind ourselves of the best way to break up with your partner in general.
Breaking Up with Someone
You’ve given it your all. You have invested all of your energy into this relationship and have reached your full capacity. You simply can’t give anymore.
You never wanted it to get to this stage, but as with most things in life it is out of your control. No matter how hard you tried to take the reins and steer it into your desired direction.
Sometimes, as difficult as it can be to truly believe at the time, breaking is the best way forward for both parties involved. When a relationship reaches an emotionally draining or toxic stage, parting ways can be the best thing for you both.
As much as you believe this is your mind, heart, and soul, breaking up with someone can still seem like an inconceivable thought. It just seems too hard and painful to follow through with it. Even imaging your life without that person who has essentially become the biggest part of your life can seem unbearable.
How To Break Up with Someone – General Tips
As unbearable and impossible as it may seem, breaking up with someone can only benefit you long term. It can even make you a much stronger and emotionally capable person.
Letting go for good can be extremely tricky, so here are a few pointers and steps you can take to help you in this tough, but necessary process.
Before taking the step and decision to end things, make sure you are 100% positive that this is the definite right thing to do and it is exactly what you want. The decision to break up with your partner shouldn’t be taken lightly, as it is pretty irreversible and hard to go back on once it’s been said and done.
Do it in person
The worst thing you can do is break up with someone over the phone. Not only is it extremely impersonal, but it doesn’t give you both the space and freedom to fully articulate and express yourselves. Some things just can’t be said over the phone.
When it comes to explaining why you want to break up you can’t tip toe or shy away from an explanation. You need to be completely honest and truthful about what has led you to this decision. You’re not doing yourself, or your partner, any favours by covering the honest facts about what went wrong. You will help your partner gain closure, and hopefully, come to appreciate your honesty at some point. Your honesty could even potentially open their eyes to unconscious mistakes they were making.
Have a support system
There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re completely alone during a breakup. You’ve already lost your best friend and romantic partner, so the loneliness can hit quite hard. Make sure to have a network of close and trusted friends and family to confide in and help you get through this difficult time.
Breaking Up with Someone You Live With
Breaking up with someone you live with can feel like a whole other minefield to get your head around. You’ve made a life-changing commitment to someone, only for it to suddenly come to an end.
Living together shouldn’t be a factor or a reason to stay with someone. If the relationship is obviously not working then breaking up is always the best option. It’s much healthier than forcing yourselves to stay in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship.
Although it may seem impossible, there are steps you can take to make breaking up with your partner that you live with a little simpler and more bearable.
How to Break Up with Someone When You Live Together
There’s no denying that it is much easier to break up with a partner you don’t already live with. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t things you can do and take into account to make breaking up with your live-in partner a bit easier.
This may not be what you want to hear, but when it comes to breaking up with someone you live with it is vital to think logistically and try to plan ahead. Keep things like contract and lease timings in mind. That will make it much easier for one of you to move out or to deal with payments without having to cohabit platonically.
As difficult as it may seem, these practical conversations need to happen alongside the emotional ones. Be mindful to not mix the two or allow there to be crossover with emotions interfering with the practical side of things.
If it is financially and feasibly possible for one party to move out then do so. The best way to get through a break up is by giving each other the necessary space. You need to heal and move on without having to still share the same living space with your now ex.
Set ground rules
If moving out isn’t an option and cohabitation is the only option then set important ground rules. You can’t give into temptations or weaknesses and start being physical or having sex just because you are still under the same roof. Stick to the decision of being apart, physically as well as emotionally.
Once you’ve moved out and moved on from the relationship, make sure to stay away and not go back to what you worked so hard to get out of. Stay strong and keep reminding yourself that this is the best decision for both of you.
It can be especially difficult when breaking up with someone you lived with and shared so much of your life with. However, it’s very important to keep the peace and respect when dealing with so many technicalities and logistics. Breaking up peacefully and respectfully will make a difficult process that little bit easier.
Breaking up with a live-in boyfriend or girlfriend is tough but it can end up being the best thing you’ve ever done. You give yourself an opportunity to heal from the hurt the relationship caused as well as learning more about yourself. It’s a great opportunity to discover what you’re really looking for in your next romantic relationship.
James has come to writing and blog writing in particular, late in life. When not working as a systems analyst for an American Telco, he spends his time honing his writing skills on our blog and commuting between Houston and Dar es Salam to the family home in Mikocheni.