Checklist for Love

A Newly Single Mom’s Checklist for Love

I think one of the hardest things about being newly single compared to being married is the loneliness that everyone experiences.  Although I am in a much better place than I was when my ex first left,  I miss having the connection with someone and having someone there to talk to. 

I have my kids all day every day, so they keep me busy and entertained most of the day, however at night I sometimes start to think,  ”Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Alone on the couch on a Friday night, with a bowl of ice cream watching recorded episodes of Sex and the City?”

I want to find someone to share the rest of my life with and be happy with, but sometimes it feels like I will never find him. 

Don’t get me wrong I am happy that I divorced my first husband; he was a liar a cheater and a master manipulator, and I am glad I got myself and my children out of that situation.  I have been doing a lot of reading and soul-searching ever since my divorce happened.

What do I want in a new man?  What qualities do I think I deserve?  What do my kids deserve in a stepfather?  These are all questions I have been asking myself.  Although some men seem to fit the description that I like, I have a hard time imagining them being Mr. Substitute Dad to my children.

Therefore, I decided to make a list of the qualities and attributions that I would like in a potential husband.  I should have done this years ago, because honestly, my ex-husband would not have passed the test.  I encourage other women especially single mothers to do the same.

Here’s what I deserve in a potential life partner:

First, I would like someone that is financially stable, has a good job, knows what he wants in his life and his future and can take financial responsibility for himself.  I do not want the burden of having to pay another person’s bills or help them get out of debt.

Secondly, I would like someone who is genuinely good with children.  This one is a no brainer.  It is easy for men to say that they are good with kids, but are they really?  This one you have to witness in person.  Of course if they are a single dad, they probably pass this test.

But even then, just because they are a father, does not mean they are a good father.  Witnessing a man with children he is familiar with and how he interacts with them will tell me what I need to know.

Thirdly, I would like someone who enjoys being with family and friends and doing things with the people that they care about the most.  I think this is a big one.  If a man has a lot of friends, is close to his family, especially his mother, then more than likely he is a guy you can trust, rely on and have fun with.  Why else would these people want to be around him so much?

Finally, I would like someone who is trustworthy, honest and caring.  This is an obvious one.  Every person wants someone like this, and you would think it would be easy to find, because everyone wants the same thing.  However, it is not easy to find. 

Trust is hard to maintain and build in a relationship.  Even if your relationship started out on solid ground, there may be times when trust is tested.  This is the true test of character.  I think being trustworthy, honest and caring are all related qualities. 

If you really loved someone, you would be honest with them because you cared for them so much, they would find you trustworthy.  My previous marriage lacked all three of these qualities, and should have sent me running for the hills.

I have lived and learned and I know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.  If you caught him lying once, he will do it again. If you caught him cheating once, he will do it again. 

Finding out why past relationships did not work out with your significant other, is a good indicator of what kind of person he is and how he handles relationship stressors.

Once again, these are my top qualities that I look for in a man. Yours could be totally different.  I do encourage everyone to make a list of qualities that you would want a man to have.  It can be a long list or short list, as long as it is what you want this time.